The Vital Connection: Why Friendships Matter More As We Age

The Vital Connection: Why Friendships Matter More As We Age

Did you know your social fitness is as necessary as your physical fitness?

In our quest for health and longevity, we meticulously count calories, track our steps, and take supplements. Yet we often overlook one of the most potent contributors to our wellbeing: meaningful friendships. I have experienced the challenge of creating and maintaining friends personally over the past 5 years, so I have been interested in this topic and the incredible impact it can have on your health. The world changed drastically for all of us during the COVID epidemic when we were forced to shelter in place and avoid in-person socializing. Even though online interactions may have increased, even post COVID, our social lives have changed significantly. My Philadelphia office closed, and I started telemedicine to keep up with patients. In 2021, I moved to a new city where I knew no one and worked from home where finding new friends or interacting with people was difficult. I lost all my familiar places like my yoga studio and neighbors. It has taken me almost 3.5 years to create some community here and I still have work to do, but the importance of this endeavor buoys me. At the end of the article, I will share what I have done so far to create new connections and what I have learned.

The Surprising Science of Social Connection

The data on social connections and health is nothing short of astounding. A landmark study following over 308,849 individuals for an average of 7.5 years revealed that people with strong social relationships have a 50% greater likelihood of survival from disease than those with poor social connections. This effect is comparable to quitting smoking and exceeds many well-known risk factors for mortality like obesity and physical inactivity.

The benefits extend to specific health outcomes as well:

• Heart Health: A meta-analysis of 23 studies involving 181,000 adults found that loneliness and social isolation were associated with a 29% increased risk of heart attack and 32% greater risk of stroke—similar to the risks posed by light smoking or obesity.
• Immune Function: Social connection quite literally strengthens our immune system. Studies show loneliness is associated with increased inflammation, while social contact boosts antiviral immunity. In controlled experiments, socially isolated participants were more likely to develop cold symptoms when exposed to a rhinovirus.
• Brain Health: A remarkable UK study following 10,308 participants for nearly 30 years discovered that frequent social contact with friends at age 60 correlated with a 12% lower risk of developing dementia later in life compared to those who saw friends only every few months.

Why We’re Wired to Connect

This powerful link between friendship and health isn’t coincidental—it’s evolutionary. Social connection is a core human need; the desire to connect is a fundamental drive wired into our biology.

Our ancestors survived by banding together. Tribes protected from predators, increased hunting success, and supported reproduction. Anthropologists theorize that navigating complex social interactions was so cognitively demanding that we developed larger brains to accommodate it. In essence, we evolved our remarkable cognitive abilities specifically to connect with others.

The Chemistry of Connection

Friendships don’t just feel good—they trigger robust neurochemical responses:

• Oxytocin: This “bonding hormone” increases with social connection, promoting relaxation, lowering stress, and enhancing emotional well-being. Loneliness, by contrast, reduces oxytocin levels.
• Dopamine: Positive social interactions stimulate this reward neurotransmitter, reinforcing feelings of pleasure and motivation.
• Cortisol: Chronically lonely individuals typically have higher baseline levels of this stress hormone. Persistent elevation leads to inflammation, weakened immunity, cardiovascular disease, and neurodegeneration.

Why Friendships Fade As We Age

Despite their importance, friendships often take a backseat as we move through life. The natural structures that once facilitated connections—school, college, early career—gradually disappear, replaced by new priorities and challenges:

• Family responsibilities shift our focus to spouses and children
• Career demands consume more time and energy
• Relocations separate us from established social circles
• Traditional community hubs like churches and local clubs see declining participation
• Digital communication replaces face-to-face interaction, often lacking the same depth and quality

We also become more selective with age, prioritizing quality over quantity. While discernment is valuable, failing to cultivate new connections as we inevitably lose friends and loved ones to illness, death, or distance can be detrimental to our health.

Many adults find friendship-building awkward. Unlike children who can simply declare “let’s be friends,” making the first introduction and fear rejection can be vulnerable as and adult. Without the shared experiences that naturally forge bonds in youth, maintaining and creating friendships requires conscious effort—an investment many find challenging amid life’s other demands.

Revitalizing Your Social Life: Practical Strategies

The good news? It’s never too late to strengthen existing friendships or forge new ones. Here are some  strategies for ramping up your social connections in midlife and beyond:

1. Find Your People

• Join clubs, classes, or community groups aligned with your interests and initiate conversations.
• Volunteer for causes you care about to meet like-minded individuals.
• Attend workshops, conferences, or retreats focused on topics that excite you.

2. Create a Social “Routine”

• Invite new contacts to regular coffee meetups.
• Join or start a neighborhood walking group or attend the same yoga class as a friend
• Participate in networking events, even if you’re retired or not actively working

3. Utilize Technology Wisely

• Explore friendship apps designed specifically for adults (Bumble BFF, Meetup)
• Join local online communities related to your interests that host in-person gatherings.

4. Nurture Existing Connections

• Reach out to old friends who’ve drifted away and schedule regular calls.
• Suggest a weekend trip with friends and take the initiative to organize it.
• Treat friendship maintenance as seriously as medical appointments.
• Use communication apps like Voxer or Marco Polo for convenient check-ins.

5. Create Opportunities for Connection

• Host dinner, game night, or brunch that brings together friends from different circles.
• Invite friends to free community events like outdoor concerts.
• Organize activities in your neighborhood or building.

6. Adjust Your Expectations

• Recognize that adult friendships develop more slowly than childhood bonds.
• Practice vulnerability (Brené Brown’s work offers excellent guidance here)
• Be persistent and resilient—if one connection doesn’t work out, move forward without taking it personally.

7. Seek Structured Social Environments

• Enroll in adult education classes at community colleges or lifelong learning institutes.
• Participate in faith-based organizations and activities if that is of interest.
• Join a coworking space, even as a retiree pursuing personal projects.
• Join a neighborhood or civic engagement group.

My New Friendship Experience so far:

To tell the truth, I didn’t start “getting out there” to make friends for about a year after my move from Philadelphia. I was busy re-establishing my practice, doing house projects, and promoting my first book. It was also still COVID times. Luckily, we have a very friendly neighborhood block and were invited to several backyard BBQs and even hosted a few of our own. This helped, but initially these were pretty surface. Over time, we became close with another couple from the block and had several dinners together.  They told us more about the area and things to do, and introduced us to some of their friends. We even became each other’s dog sitters and spent a weekend hiking together in Asheville, North Carolina. I joined a bootcamp gym but didn’t jive with the young military wives who made up most of the attendance, however, a local yoga space was a better fit and met some folks there.  I joined three networking groups! And the third finally yielded some great people. I took an art class and a pottery class.  I joined a co-working space and connected with people there. I met a fellow swimmer while doing laps at the YMCA and found a women’s book club on Meetup. I’ve kept up with my Philadelphia friends by chatting on the Voxer app, visiting whenever possible, and taking trips together. Although it’s still not easy or ideal yet, I am making progress and enjoying it too.

Friendship: A Lifelong Investment in Your Health

Cultivating meaningful friendships requires intention and effort—especially as we age—but the dividends for our physical and emotional wellbeing are immeasurable. By approaching social connection with the same dedication we bring to other aspects of health, we invest not just in longer lives, but in richer, more joyful ones.

Every new conversation, shared experience, and meaningful exchange strengthens our social networks, bodies, and minds. In a world that often celebrates independence, remember that our very biology reminds us we are meant to connect.

Your next friendship might begin with something as simple as a hello, a question, or an invitation. The first step is yours to take.